Senate President Emil Jones began a meeting of his Democratic members not long ago with a playful announcement that despite what everyone had read and heard, he had no intention of retiring from office.

He was joking, of course, but while the joke may have temporarily relieved a bit of tension in the room, there's still plenty of infighting ahead.

In this Year of National Elections, this political horoscope is presented as a public service in an effort to successfully plot the course for all who aspire to political activism.

Now that all the hoopla is over in St. Paul, let us examine just exactly what it is that Republicans John McCain and Sarah Palin are advocating for America.

On rare occasions somebody will ask me if I've ever given any thought to moving up to the "big-time" political scene in Washington, DC.

I have a standard reply.

Never.

Here are my top 10 reasons:

"Branding Christianity" by John Whitehead is confusing. (See River Cities' Reader Issue 699, August 27-September 2, 2008.)

In the first place, Rick Warren is not "America's pastor." There is no "America's pastor" any more than there is "America's rabbi" or "America's imam." If we could get that straight, perhaps our presidential candidates would not feel like they have to "pander" to us. Rick Warren is a nice guy, but he is not "the future of Christianity in America." We have thousands of spiritual leaders in our country. A few of them are brilliant and/or charismatic. Most of them are simply faithful and hard-working. We should listen to them, study our own sacred texts, and, yes, "speak truth to power."

Why do so many Hollywood stars turn into Marx-huggers when it comes to politics?

Some believe it's embedded in their DNA. Entertainers are professional emoters. People who emote for a living tend to see the whole world through their emotions. Cry for the camera; cry for "social justice." Moan for the microphone; moan for "equality of outcome." Mug for an audience; mug for "welfare rights."

Others contend that they all live in Airheadsville.

To get to the bottom of this mysterious phenomenon, ace scoop snooper Poppy Rhattzi of the Hollywood Star Snitcher tabloid was assigned to go undercover and follow, spy on, photograph, and relentlessly stalk Movieland's newest starlet, Castine Couche. Here is her report.

This is the 700th issue of the River Cities' Reader. Thank you, readers and advertisers, for your support of the independent and free press these past 15 years. Without you this milestone could not have been achieved. And without the dedication and diligence of our outstanding staff, you would not have access to the weekly coverage of local issues and events in an intelligent, balanced manner that is the exception rather than the norm in today's media.

Ari Iaccarino As an object lesson to the political philosophers of the United States - those "practical" advocates of "democracy" who do not have an adequate knowledge of South America, just mainstream media "information" - one need only pause and consider the recent (and past) assumptions about Venezuela to realize the profound impact ignorance has on human affairs. (See "Democracy Vs. Individual Rights," River Cities' Reader Issue 697, August 13-19, 2008.)

It was the "hug heard 'round Illinois," but did it really mean anything?

All right! Wow! Ha ha. What a great-looking audience. My name is Hill Larrius, and it's great to be here in Vegas! Whoo!

Hey, what's up with these crazy presidential candidates? We have this McCain guy for the Republicans, right? Now, I'm not gonna say he's old, 'cause he really didn't fight in the Civil War, right? Hell no! He was already way too old for that war, see? Ha ha ha.

Then over here we have this Democrat, Obama, who keeps promising change. So if we elect him president, we'll have change, right? Like he'll raise our taxes and all we'll have left in our pockets is change. Ha ha ha! Ooooh. Hey, don't get mad at me, I'm just the messenger here.

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