Mimi Kirkland, Josh Duhamel, and Julianne Hough in Safe HavenSAFE HAVEN

Whatever else it is, and it's not much else, Safe Haven is the least boring Nicholas Sparks adaptation I've yet seen, mostly because it's so unequivocally bonkers.

Kenny Wormald and Miles Teller in FootlooseFOOTLOOSE

It was probably inevitable that Paramount would get around to remaking Footloose, and once it did, the studio probably could've done worse than to hire director Craig Brewer for the job, despite a filmography (Hustle & Flow, Black Snake Moan) not exactly bursting with lighthearted confectionary fare. Yet considering that 27 years have passed since Kevin Bacon first screamed, "Let's da-a-a-ance!!!" to a grain mill full of eager young hoofers, shouldn't this new Footloose have been... I dunno... at least a slight improvement on the original?