DRAFT DAY

Draft Day casts Kevin Costner as the Cleveland Browns' general manager on the titular day in which his professional and personal crises reach their boiling points. And 20 minutes before its climax, director Ivan Reitman's pro-football saga lands on what is simultaneously its most ironic and most perverse moment, which finds a roomful of executives and analysts bickering about a potential trade, and Costner's Sonny Weaver Jr. ending the squabble with the incensed directive "Just give me a moment of silence so I can think!" The moment is ironic because, to this point, the movie has already been flooded with silence. The moment is also perverse because, after 90 minutes of pause-heavy introspection and hushed build-up - with the audience all but slavering for a scene of biting, fast-paced bickering - now is when Sonny demands some quiet?

NOAH

Like most of you, I'd presume, I've known the biblical story of Noah's Ark since early childhood. And also, presumably like most of you, I've always kind of wondered how Noah was able to construct a floating vessel big and sturdy enough to carry "two of all living creatures, male and female" through 40 days and 40 nights of torrential downpours and Earth-engulfing floods. But with the release of Darren Aronofsky's Noah, the answer to the question of "Who built the Ark?" has finally been provided, and - who woulda thunk it? - apparently we have Frank Langella and Nick Nolte to thank.

March 24, 10:30 a.m.-ish: After several days spent visiting friends in Ohio - among them, now, my hosts' adorable 17-month-old daughter - I return to my movie-reviewing duties filled with fresh perspective and hope for the future. Then I see Divergent, which earned $54.6 million over the weekend, and is already green-lit for two follow-up films. Well, the feeling was fun while it lasted.

300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE

No movie that opens with Gerard Butler being beheaded, even off-screen, can be all that bad, and so maybe I shouldn't be surprised by the not-so-bad-ness of director Noam Murro's 300: Rise of an Empire. I still am, considering how little fun I had at Zack Snyder's smash-hit predecessor from 2007, yet personally speaking, it's not hard to identify what makes this CGI-heavy bloodbath an overall better time - a much better time - than 300. But we'll get to her momentarily.