05 Apr 2009

Tilt 'n' Whirl: "Adventureland" and "Sunshine Cleaning"

By Mike Schulz

Jesse Eisenberg and Kristin Stewart in AdventurelandADVENTURELAND

My first awareness of writer/director Greg Mottola's Adventureland came at Christmastime, when some family members and I saw a trailer for the comedy before, of all things, a screening of Doubt. The movie's my-summer-at-an-amusement-park setup looked kind of promising, but given the preview's one-liners and visual gags, the supporting cast (Bill Hader, Ryan Reynolds, Kristen Wiig), and Mottola's credit as the director of Superbad, it seemed like an incredibly inappropriate teaser to run before John Patrick Shanley's nonsecular drama. When the trailer ended, my brother and I shared an incredulous look and a chuckle at the apparent incongruity. "Know your audience," he said with a laugh.

05 Apr 2009

Driving Forces: "Fast & Furious" and "12 Rounds"

By Mike Schulz

Paul Walker and Vin Diesel in Fast & FuriousFAST & FURIOUS

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the viewers who are really, really dying to see Fast & Furious - like the guy ahead of me in line for tickets, who said to his buddy, "I want to sit as close to the screen as humanly possible" - will already have seen it by the time this review is published. So there's probably little harm in telling you that while the original stars of 2001's The Fast & the Furious do return for this fourth (if you can believe it) installment in the fossil-fueled franchise, Michelle Rodriguez's character gets killed off before the end of the first reel. Lucky lady.

29 Mar 2009

Me and You and a Blob of Blue: "Monsters Vs. Aliens" and "The Haunting in Connecticut"

By Mike Schulz

Monsters vs. Aliens' monsters

MONSTERS VS. ALIENS

After a quick, manic prelude that effectively sets the tone for this quick, manic movie, Dreamworks' animated Monsters Vs. Aliens offers what is doubtless the most promising opening credit of the year, wrapping up its recognition of voice-over actors with: " ... and Stephen Colbert as the President." All right!, you think. Success at last!

23 Mar 2009

Love Is a Man and Splintered Thing: "Duplicity" and "I Love You, Man"

By Mike Schulz

Julia Roberts and Clive Owen in Duplicity

DUPLICITY

Starting with the film's enticing prelude, which finds Julia Roberts and Clive Owen engaging in the first of several argumentative flirtations in exotic locales, I felt that Duplicity was an intensely sharp, clever, enjoyable movie. It wasn't until its very last shot, though, that I felt it was also a great one.

23 Mar 2009

Apocalypse Nigh: "Knowing," "Waltz with Bashir," and "Brain Dead"

By Mike Schulz

Nicolas Cage and Rose Byrne in Knowing

KNOWING

Knowing, director Alex Proyas' new portents-of-doom thriller starring Nicolas Cage, has an intriguing premise and some enjoyably nightmarish effects. Yet it's still such a shallow and deeply silly piece of work that, even though the movie explores numerology, determinism, and the eternal mysteries of the universe, somehow you just know it's all going to climax with Cage pointing a gun at someone and screaming, "I want my son! Now!!!" The film isn't really a disappointment - lord knows its previews made Knowing look much worse than it is - but its disconcerting blend of high drama and low camp tends to get you giggling at the exact moments you should be taking it the most seriously.

16 Mar 2009

The Family That Slays Together... : "The Last House on the Left," "Miss March," and "Race to Witch Mountain"

By Mike Schulz

Martha MacIsaac in The Last House on the Left

THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

Seven weeks into its release, the ludicrous, laughable Taken is still in the top five at the box office, and it wasn't until seeing The Last House on the Left that I had a theory as to why: One should never underestimate the cinematic appeal of watching Daddy beat the crap out of his kid's assailants. It's doubtful that director Dennis Iliadis' remake of Wes Craven's grimy 1972 horror show will attract Taken-size crowds, but it, too, frames its nightmare around a brutalized teenage girl whose survival depends on the ass-kicking resourcefulness of her vengeful father (with her mother lending a hand, and a knife, for good measure). The difference between the movies, though, is that The Last House on the Left is actually a pretty good one.

08 Mar 2009

Holding Out for a Hero: "Watchmen"

By Mike Schulz

Billy Crudup in Watchmen

WATCHMEN

In writer Alan Moore's and illustrator Dave Gibbons' graphic novel Watchmen, there's a sequence in which two of its costumed heroes, Silk Spectre II and Nite Owl II, break a third - the masked paranoid Rorschach - out of prison. And near the end of the intensely violent rescue, Rorschach delays their escape with a quick trip to the men's room.

01 Mar 2009

Tween Rock and a Hard Case: "Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience" and "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li"

By Mike Schulz

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience

JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3D CONCERT EXPERIENCE

(With apologies to my godchild Jordan, who is surely the most rabid Jonas Brothers fan I've yet met. Sorry, sweetie. Just remember that I'm a bitter, cranky old man.)

23 Feb 2009

Momma's Big House: "Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail" and "Fired Up!"

By Mike Schulz

Tyler Perry in Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to JailTYLER PERRY'S MADEA GOES TO JAIL

Tyler Perry's wildly popular, drag-act creation Madea - the tough-talking matriarch (played by Perry himself) with zero tolerance for foolishness, church, and most of her family members - is an admittedly entertaining figure. Yet she's a really odd character to build a movie around, because this bosomy yowler steadfastly refuses to change, or "grow," or develop in any way that could sustain a feature-length narrative; she's a one-joke, and one-rant, conceit. Maybe that's why it always feels like Madea is intruding on her films, even the ones with her name in the title. By necessity, the movies in which she appears have to treat her as a special guest star, because if they were just 100-ish minutes of Madea's antics, nothing would ever happen in them.

16 Feb 2009

Jason Born: "Friday the 13th" and "Under the Sea 3D"

By Mike Schulz

Derek Mears in Friday the 13thFRIDAY THE 13TH

When the original Friday the 13th debuted, I was living in Crystal Lake, Illinois, and just a month shy of 12 years old. So you can only imagine how jazzed I was when I saw director Marcus Nispel's Friday the 13th reboot this past weekend, and the movie not only opened with its victims-to-be hanging out at Crystal Lake (as the series' inspiration demands), but with a title card reading "June 13, 1980" - my 12th birthday!

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