22 Mar 2005

"The Ring Two" All Wet: Also, "Hostage" and "Aliens of the Deep"

By Mike Schulz

Naomi Watts in The Ring TwoTHE RING TWO

After sitting through the lifeless horror sequel The Ring Two, the only thing I wanted - besides a major jolt of caffeine to wake me up - was a towel. What is up with all the freakin' water in this movie? With the exceptions of Ariel in The Little Mermaid and Esther Williams in anything, I can't think of a leading actress who spends as much screen time soaked as Naomi Watts does in this half-hearted follow-up to 2002's The Ring.

15 Mar 2005

Unexpected Moments Enliven "The Pacifier": Also, "Stage Beauty" and "Robots"

By Mike Schulz

Vin Diesel in The PacifierTHE PACIFIER

There's a moment in the Vin Diesel family comedy The Pacifier that should have really pissed me off, but instead it made me almost unaccountably happy: About midway through the film, Diesel, playing a former Navy SEAL entrusted with the safety of five fatherless youths (you've seen the trailers, you get the idea), enters their suburban digs covered in raw sewage, the victim of a practical joke pulled by the family's oldest siblings.

07 Mar 2005

"Be Cool" a Maddening Waste of Time and Talent: Also, "The Jacket" and "Cursed"

By Mike Schulz

Uma Thurman and John Travolta in Be CoolBE COOL

Granted, I've missed a few of the year's more high-profile flicks - Are We There Yet?, White Noise, Son of the Mask, that thing with the Heffalumps - but, in general, the releases I have viewed have been so crummy as to be some kind of joke. (The Citizen Kane of the group would actually be the remake of Assault on Precinct 13, which should tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood's output in early 2005.) But, with the arrival of Be Cool, the joke is no longer funny. Be Cool is worse than Elektra. Hell, it's worse than Alone in the Dark. I literally can't remember the last time I left a screening feeling so angered by the waste of time and talent onscreen; it's the sort of smug, lazy Bad Movie that puts you in a foul mood for the rest of the day.

01 Mar 2005

"Constantine"'s Moments of Inspiration Can't Save It: Also, "P.S."

By Mike Schulz

Keanu Reeves in ConstantineCONSTANTINE

At one point in Bryan Singer's original X-Men film, Wolverine stares at the fetishistic black-leather duds he and his teammates are wearing and asks, incredulously, "You actually go outside in these things?" To which Cyclops, in-joking on the character's original Marvel-comic attire, replies, "What, would you prefer yellow Spandex?" God, yes.

22 Feb 2005

Smith and James Elevate "Hitch" - a Little: Also, "The Wedding Date" and "The Motorcycle Diaries"

By Mike Schulz

Will Smith and Kevin James in HitchHITCH

As Hollywood romantic comedies go, the Will Smith vehicle Hitch isn't bad, which, unfortunately, isn't the same as actually being good. But judging by the film's sensational box-office intake - not to mention the enthusiastic audience response at the screening I attended (people actually applauded throughout) - no one seems much bothered by the movie's mediocrity; many viewers prefer a romantic comedy that doesn't challenge or excite them in the least to films such as Before Sunset and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Sideways, works that understand and explore the nature of romance in ways that feel revelatory.

07 Feb 2005

"Hide & Seek" Can't Bear Its Cheap Twist: Also, "Boogeyman" and "Alone in the Dark"

By Mike Schulz

Dakota Fanning in Hide & SeekHIDE & SEEK

(Warning: Potential spoilers - for both Hide & Seek and Million Dollar Baby - ahead. Proceed with caution.) If you haven't yet seen Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby, it might be too late to do so without prejudice, since numerous critics, pundits, and op-ed writers have probably already ruined the film for you.

01 Feb 2005

"Baby" Tops in 2004 - and Eastwood's Career: "Million Dollar Baby," "Hotel Rwanda," and "In Good Company"

By Mike Schulz

Clint Eastwood and Hilary Swank in Million Dollar BabyMILLION DOLLAR BABY

Despite featuring a few peripheral figures, Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby is essentially a three-character mood piece, yet Eastwood, co-stars Hilary Swank and Morgan Freeman, and screenwriter Paul Haggis invest the material with so much emotional and intellectual accuracy that the results border on the overwhelming.

25 Jan 2005

"What the Bleep Do We Know?" Undermined by Messiness: Also, "Assault on Precinct 13" and "Coach Carter"

By Mike Schulz

Marlee Matlin in What the Bleep Do We Know?WHAT THE BLEEP DO WE KNOW?

The ideas expressed in the New Age-y pseudo-doc What the Bleep Do We Know? are inherently intriguing and endlessly debatable. What a shame that the movie itself is such a spectacular mess.

18 Jan 2005

"House of Flying Daggers" an Intoxicating Action Spectacle: Also, "Elektra" and "Kinsey"

By Mike Schulz

House of Flying DaggersHOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS

Like many of us, one of my favorite movie memories will forever remain the moment in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy opens the door of her black-and-white world to reveal the dazzling hues of Munchkinland; the impression that left on me as a child - the colors seemed more vibrant than any you'd encounter in real life - was so profound that, seeing the movie again as an adult, the scene still gets me a little misty-eyed.

04 Jan 2005

Scorsese Falters with the Pandering "The Aviator": Also, "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" and "Beyond the Sea"

By Mike Schulz

Leonardo DiCaprio in The AviatorTHE AVIATOR

Martin Scorsese's The Aviator, which covers two decades in the life of entrepreneur Howard Hughes, is a skillful, beautifully designed bio-pic, engaging and occasionally thrilling, and, despite a two-and-three-quarter-hour running time, it's remarkably easy to sit through.

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