They came, one by one, emerging from unseen offices and workspaces, making their way quietly along the back streets and alleyways of the American enclave known variously as Oz or Wonderland or Washington, DC.

They were the gray, boring, unimposing men and women who inhabit the capital city of the most powerful empire on earth, barely noticed and effectively forgotten. They were known only by their titles: PenPusher, PaperShuffler, Agencycrat, and LowLevel CivilServant.

But they were also the friction-reducing life-prolonging anti-wear multi-viscosity grease that makes the millstone of government grind. They were, in short, the most powerful people on the planet.

According to news reports, immigration advocates are advising illegals that their best bet against deportation is to clam up and say nothing when the cops come calling.

This hacks off critics who claim the do-gooders are aiding lawbreakers.

In the ever-evolving war against airline passengers, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) continues to develop new weapons of mass dysfunction.

Travelers have long been harassed with X-ray machines, metal-detecting wands, and inscrutable verbal vetting such as "Did someone put something in your luggage when you weren't looking?"

Then in 2006 the TSA began quietly testing two new anti-personnel weapons.

FOR YOUR UTMOST OF PARAMOUNT ATTENTIONS!

It is to understand that you might be of somewhat apprehension because you do not know of me but I ensure I have a lucrative business proposal of mutually interest to share with you.

My name is Hillaracko Bamajohn McClainton. I am the most leading of Candidates for to becoming the Presidency of the United States of the Americas. My Spouse was former President of the U.S. of the America and I am also the Neocon Hero of War and the Great Charisma Leader of The Change.